NEW YORK, NY and MONKTON, MD – No less than 122 suits were filed in the Nassau County Courts last year, with another 96 being filed in Baltimore County Courts during the same time frame. It appears that the subject of wine is not just open to debate, but to litigation.
"I had had enough," cited Barnaby Fincher, a trust lawyer who frequents many popular wine boards, "the guy kept on about how my collection of Bryant Family was just a showpiece, like my [assumed] trophy wife and my 'lipstick red Hummer' – how he knew those personal details bothered me, so I slapped him with a defamation of character suit and a cease and desist. That'll show him. I should look into restraining orders as well…"
"Some people tried to mess with us about our rating system," explained K. Alan Redfield, chief counsel for one of the boards, "it was harassment at its worst. They'd log in anonymously and like pigeons, they'd light upon our virtual work of art, take a dump, and then fly away. We were able to file all these protests under a loophole in the Graffiti Act, which in essence is what they were doing, defacing our site."
Many members welcome the attorneys to their fold, as was voiced by one user who wished to remain anonymous, "They're great, I mean, they keep out the riff raff you know? Those people with dissenting views, cellars with less than 3000 bottles, so suffixes at the end of their names. We need gatekeepers."
When pressed for further comments via the boards, we were logged off, our IP banned, and served with a summons three weeks later. We were also summarily flamed as being "…a jackal who probably doesn't even have a bottle of Harlan, let alone Bond in his little 32 bottle EuroVin."
